i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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