All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize