Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
