So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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