omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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