i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
