i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
