i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
