My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
