Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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