I heard we made out
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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