You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
