what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize