I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
