My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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