you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
