Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
