mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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