Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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