nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
