Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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