She announced her abortion via fbk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
