And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
