Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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