i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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