i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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