miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
