that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
