I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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