That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
