I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
