There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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