I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
