Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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