we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
