Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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