He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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