Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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