Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yo dont text me then not text me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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