I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
