Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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