I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry about my life...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
