apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
