so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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