I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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