Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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