I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
