If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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