I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
