I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
