this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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