party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We need to get me chipped asap
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
