well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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