have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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