just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize