My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
