Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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