it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
