ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
