so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
