I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
