everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
