you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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