You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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