I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
