I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize