i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
