I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
