Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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