he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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