you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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